he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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