This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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