I CAN MOONWALK!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
