You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Boobs are out for the taking
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
