Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
