How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
