I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
