so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
