don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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