i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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