I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
