Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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