My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
