Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
