he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
