guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
