never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
