so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
