We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
