I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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