Apparently you make a good broom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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