there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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