I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
