New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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