His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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