You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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