The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm at about main and main street
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
