apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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