I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
