Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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