he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
