Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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