We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
