That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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