Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
