I think scott just propositioned me for sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
