You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
