go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
