i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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