you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
