I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
