Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
