just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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