Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
