I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
