Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
