In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
