I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
