we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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