Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
