Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
