there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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