just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i out mim tonsoeep
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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