respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
