i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
