My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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