I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
