Cold hands, warm shart.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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