guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
