he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
