dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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