In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there was a trapeze. enough said
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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