and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
