My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sobbing to NWA
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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