respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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