and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Two words: blizzard sex
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
