I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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