I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
