he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
