the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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