We won't sleep together?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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