the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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