How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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